flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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