The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
