When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
