I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
