Little spoons don't ask big questions
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
