That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
