She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize