dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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