me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
