Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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