on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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