I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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