i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
