it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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