Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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