but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
