Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
