dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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