Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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