were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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