we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
