I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
