Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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