i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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