we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
