That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
