When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
