How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
