like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize