Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
