sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
