I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
