im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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