In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
