his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Operation Purity has been aborted
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
