My sheets look like a crime scene.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
