Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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