Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
