I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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