I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
