yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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