yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
