I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
