My Higher Power is John Stamos
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
