The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
