I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize