dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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