So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
