just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
