Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Mom said you looked used
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
