To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
