I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
