does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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