She's JV to your varsity
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize