i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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