I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am naked and annoyed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
