Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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