at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
