Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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