Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
