Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
