I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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