You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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