I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
