If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
two words...techno handjob
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
