I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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