Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
