I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
