He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
