I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize