I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize