What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize