i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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