i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize