I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
