you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
