Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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