My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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